Are you gay : the Test

The most pioneering test since Aunty Mognalia(Magnus Hirschfeld) 

1. Philosophy is :

a. something until the answer comes to you

b. academy wanking

c. another word for sodomy

2. Sodomy is :

a. wrong

b. fun

c. philosophy

3. Friends are cumm-ing to visit and ask for directions Do you:

a. draw a map

b. explain to them how to get there

c. give rude suggestions

4. When someone mentions the word  penis, are you more likely to:

a. use a pencil, paper and body language gestures

b. ask what size

c. whack it out

5. After watching a good porn dvd, you prefer to:

a. picture scenes from the movie in your mind

b. talk about the scenes and what was said

c. quote mainly what was said in the movie

6. The Holy Catholic Church is :

a. philosophy

b. damaged

c. wrong

7. A friend's husband  has a really small cock. You would:

a. sympathize, and discuss how they feel about it 

b. recommend someone reliable 

c. pimp your husband

8. Someone asks you where heaven is. You:

a. confess you don't know

b. guess where it is, after a bit of thought

c. point downwards, and smile

9. You've sinned

a. sitting on the priest's lap

b. using tybra aromas

c. fucking in the confessionals

10. You are fucking and the telephone rings. You would:

a. answer the phone with a hard on

b. just  answer the phone and breathe deeply

c. Nothing

11. Do you think Aleister Crowely was mainly .........

a. a philosopher

b. a sodompher 

c. hapy in hastings

12. You are best at predicting orgasms by:

a. using intuition

b. making a decision based on both the available information and 'sex magick

c. fucking like a wild animal

13. When it comes to reading www.cumm.co.uk do you :

a. have difficulty and often ask for help

b. turn it round to face the direction you're going

c. always say I don't believe that shit

14.  Your favourite colour is:

a. green

b. yellow

c. white

15. You go to an orgy and are introduced to seven or eight new people. Next day you:

a. can easily picture their faces

b. would remember some philosophy

c. have experienced sodomy

16. Men who are homophobic need :

a. a few beers

b. repeated anal lip massage

c. a good old tantric fucking

17. When standing at the urinal you usually: 

a. go hands free

b.  shake your tap furiously

c. wank

18. Is the measurement of your hips

a. wider than your shoulder

b. narrower than your shoulder

c. same

19. Two friends from different marriages are having a secret affair. How likely are you to spot it?

a. you could spot it very early

b. you'd pick up on it half the time

c. you'd probably miss it

20. What is life all about, as you see it? 

a. having friends and living in harmony with those around you

b. being friendly to others while maintaining personal independence

c. achieving worthwhile goals, earning others' respect and winning prestige and advancement

21. Given the choice, you would prefer to work:

a. in a team where people are compatible

b. around others but maintaining your own space

c. by yourself

22. The books you prefer to read are:

a. novels and fiction

b. magazines and newspapers

c. non-fiction, autobiographies

23. When you go shopping you tend to:

a. often buy on impulse, particularly the specials

b. have a general plan but take it as it comes

c. read the labels and compare costs

24. You prefer to go to bed 2 :

a. wank

b. sleep

c. fuck

25. You've started a new job and met lots of new people on the staff. One of them phones you when you are at home. You would:

a. find it easy to recognize their voice

b. recognize it about half the time

c. have difficulty identifying the voice

26. What upsets you most when fucking with someone?

a. their silence or lack of response

b. when they won't see your point of view

c. their probing or challenging questions and comments

27. In school how did you feel about spelling tests and writing essays?

a. you found them both fairly easy

b. you were generally OK with one but not the other

c. you weren't very good at either

28. When it comes to dancing or jazz routines, you:

a. can 'feel' the music once you've learnt the steps

b. can do some exercises or dances, but get lost with others

c. have difficulty keeping time or rhythm

29.  At the end of a long day, you usually prefer to:

a. talk to friends or family about your day

b. listen to others talk about their day

c. read www.cumm.co.uk

30. is god?

a. str8

b. gay

c. bi

to score the test Call Seb on 07974805 666

The fact that I can provide such a spiritual experience for each is a gift from G(o)d. SEb Cox